Spikey Wonka and the Bloody Factory
by Spikes Hunnies
Summary: Challenge response. Buffy and the gang are sent to the land of Willy Wonka's chocolate factory. It can't be that bad...can it? B/S


Untitled Document TITLE: Spikey Wonka and The Bloody Factory  
AUTHOR: Hilary (SpikeLover) and Kristin (Love's Bitch)  
DISCLAIMER: Credit where credit is due, Joss is God, Grr Argh, etc.  
DISTRIBUTION: If you like it that much, you are my new best friend! Just let me know where it's going.   
RATING: PG-13  
SPOILERS: All of Season 5.  
FEEDBACK: Better than drugs! Will you help feed our addiction? Spikes_hunnies@hotmail.com   
SUMMARY: Another Big Bad defeated, another rented movie and popcorn party, another shared dream for the gang. In response to Challenge #1 on INAMORATI (http://www.geocities.com/inamorati_sb/main.html) 

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

"This is becoming a yearly thing," said Xander as he brought two bags of popcorn into the living room of the Summers' home. It was two days after the big fight against Glory, and once again, they had saved the world. Deciding they deserved it, they were throwing a 'Ding Dong the Hell Bitch is Dead' party with popcorn, movies, and lots of relaxation. "And again, the Xandman comes through with the eats."

"Oi, whelp! Bring us a bag." Spike called from his spot on the couch.

"Yeah, Xand, hand it over." Dawn said, running to get a bag for them to share.

"I'm sorry, Spike, were you talking to me?" Xander asked, holding the bag out of Dawn's reach, waiting for an apology.

"Oh, no, sorry, Xander, I was talking to the other loser in the bunch who plays with bricks all day."

The dark haired man simply chuckled and gave Dawn the bag, before sitting down with his fiancée. He felt he still had to give Spike hell now and again, mostly out of habit, but after what he had done for the gang, he couldn't help but not hate the guy. But that didn't mean he liked him. Not one bit.

The fight had been rough on all of them, everyone playing major parts in different ways, but the true heroes were Buffy and Spike. Buffy fought Glory, breaking her down until all that was left was a bloody pulp of a human being, until all that was left was Ben. They found him later, dead. Buffy had guilt over it, but they had convinced her that it was for the greater good. Spike battled Doc at the top of the tower, giving his all to protect Dawn. Doc stabbed the vampire, shoving him off of the tower, but at the last moment, Spike grabbed him by the shoulders, taking him along for the fall. Doc landed on top of Spike, and promptly ran off after they hit the ground, leaving the Big Bad badly wounded. But the apocalypse was averted and Spike was now a recognized Scooby. He smiled, enjoying the acceptance on the side of good for the very first time.

"Come on, Nibblet, don't hog the popcorn. Wounded vamp here!"

"Shouldn't you be healed by now?" Buffy asked, coming in through the front door with Willow, Tara, and Giles in tow. "I mean, seriously, you don't think you're going to milk that line for much longer do you?"

"Where've you lot been? We've been waiting for our movies for a bleedin' hour."

"He's awfully whiny when he's hurt," Anya said from the corner. After being on the end of a withering glare from Spike, she changed the subject. "So what movies did we get?"

Giles pulled three films out of the bag he carried, reading off the titles. "Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory, Bring It On, and The Lost Boys."

"OH! Bring It On!" Xander and Dawn said at once, while almost everyone else groaned. 

"Hey, how did that get in there?" Buffy asked. 

"Who cares? Let's watch it. Girls in short skirts, let's go! OUCH!" Xander stopped talking when Anya pinched him.

Spike, however noticed something else. Giles was blushing. "Oh, I see," he started, his patented smirk surfacing. "Watcher's got a thing for pom poms."

Giles turned bright red and sputtered, "I didn't get it for me, I got it for Dawn; I know she likes it."

"Its alright Giles, it perfectly natural for older males to fantasize about cheerleaders," Anya said matter-of-factly. "Been that way since cheerleaders were invented, and THAT was a bloody beginning let me tell you."

Spike cut her off, "Well, one out of three ain't bad. Pop in The Lost Boys."

"Nope, sorry, Spike, we don't want you getting all nostalgic on us just yet," Willow joked, "Let's watch Willy Wonka."

"Yes, let's do. Gene Wilder is fantastic," Giles said.

"Nice subject change, Watcher."

"Bite me, Spike. Oh wait, you can't."

Everyone stopped for a second in awe of Giles' comeback. Then everyone began clapping and cheering. Even Spike laughed.

"Alright, G-Man! That was excellent!"

Giles sighed, taking off his glasses and pinching the bridge of his nose. "I really need some adult friends."

"So, Willy Wonka it is." Willow said once the laughter and cheering had died down. 

"No!" said Spike. "That's such a poufy film. Really, all that singing and dancin' about. I haven't even seen it all the way through and I know I don't want to see any more. Bring on The Lost Boys."

"I have to agree with Spike. The oompa loompas kind of creep me out. Nothing that colour can be good." Anya said, clutching Xander's arm.

"I'm with them, the oompas give me the wiggins." Tara added.

"And what? The Lost Boys is cuddly and sweet?" Dawn asked, one eyebrow raised.

"Well, less creepy cuz there's a good one in the room." the blonde witch pointed at Spike.

"I'm not sure if I should be offended here."

Ignoring Spike, Willow said, "Come on, guys. Didn't you read the book when you were little? It's classic!"

Giles nodded, having recovered from his dip into Scooby Speak, "As I said, Gene Wilder is a comic genius. Besides, THIS one was my choice."

"Riiiiiiight" Spike said under his breath, but shut up as Giles glared at him.

"It was one of Mom's favourites." Dawns sad voice piped up. Buffy went and sat next to her sister, putting an arm around her shoulders. Spike couldn't help but be distracted by Buffy's hand touching his arm. He resisted the urge to put his arm around both of his girls. His feelings, in spite of being a hero, were still a no-no.

"Yeah, we watched it every Easter," Buffy continued, as sad smile on her face, "I know, not really an Easter flick, but you know, all the candy. Mom got a big kick out of it."

The room was silent for a moment, before Xander spoke up, "Right then. Wonka and his oompas it is." He jumped up and put the tape in. Willow sat down with Tara on the floor in front of the couch, Xander sat in the chair with Anya leaning against his legs, and Giles sat down on the couch, next to Buffy. "Let the chocolaty goodness begin!"

Keeping the yearly tradition, within two minutes, all eight of them lay sleeping, as the movie played out before them.  
* * *

The next thing any of them became aware of was the fact that they were no longer in Buffy's living room. They were stood in front of a sturdy looking brown door.

"What the bloody hell is going on?" Spike asked, never one to keep his thoughts to himself.

The rest of the gang looked at him and Xander began to laugh.

"What?" Spike asked, not liking the fact that there was something funny that he was clearly missing.

The rest of the gang began to giggle too, all except Buffy who was just staring at him. Finally he looked down at himself and for the first time since he's been turned he wanted to die. His trademark leather duster had been replaced with a purple velvet jacket and where his black jeans had been there was now a pair of cream trousers. He groaned. He was Willy bloody Wonka.

"Ok, can we stop with the laughing now?" he sighed, but that only made them laugh harder.

The only one not laughing was Buffy and he turned to her. "Go on, Slayer. Have your laugh and get it over with."

Buffy continued to stare but somehow she couldn't bring herself to laugh. She'd never seen Spike in anything other than black, well, apart from the time he'd tried to impress her and she'd barely noticed. But this was different, there was something about the way he was dressed that made him lookhot. All of his wounds were gone and somehow the purple seemed to suit him. Still, she couldn't let him know that. She forced a smirk and turned away before he could see her blushing.

"Well," he said to himself. "At least I'm not wearing that bloody awful brown top hat."

Another explosion of laughter caused him to reach up and feel the top of his head. Sure enough the hat rested there as if it had been there all his life. Surely things couldn't get any worse.

"Well, what do we do now?" Willow asked, having composed herself a little.

Spike shrugged. "Go through the door, I guess."

He pushed and the heavy door swung open to reveal what looked like paradise. There were sweets everywhere. A whole garden lay before them, and everything down to the last blade of grass was made out of some kind of sweet. With a whoop of joy, the gang ran in and began to eat whatever they could get their hands on.  
Since Spike didn't eat human food he strolled leisurely around the garden, imagining he was walking in a real garden during the day. As he walked, his mouth opened and he began to sing, unable to stop himself.

_There is no life  
I know to compare with pure imagination   
Living there  
You'll be free  
If you truly wish to be _

_If you want to view paradise  
Simply look around and view it  
Anything you want to, do it  
Want to change the world?   
There's nothing   
To it_

_There is no life  
I know to compare with pure imagination   
Living there  
You'll be free  
If you truly wish to be _

None of the others seemed to notice that Spike had burst into song but Buffy, who was stood nearby, stopped eating and began to listen. She had no idea that Spike could sing, or that he was so good. His voice was soft and soothing, making her feel so relaxed. She almost wanted to drift off on the spot but a cry of joy from Xander jolted her from her thoughts.

"Chocolate river!" he yelled and he crouched down on the bank and began to scoop the warm chocolate into his mouth with his hand. The rest of the gang gathered round him.

"This is what I call chocolatey goodness." he murmured between gulps.

"It's the waterfall," Spike explained. "It churns the chocolate and gives it that special taste that no one else can get. No other chocolate factory churns their chocolate by waterfall."

The rest of the gang fell silent and Xander even stopped drinking for a moment so that he could stare at Spike.

"What?" he asked. "I saw the film; I know how it works."

They shook their heads with a collective sigh and Xander went back to drinking. With a giggle, Willow pushed him and he toppled into the chocolate river. Everyone laughed except Anya who just looked annoyed.

"It's not funny. You're trying to drown my boyfriend."

Spike shook his head. "He won't drown, look."

Anya looked where Spike was pointing and screamed loudly. Everyone else looked to see two oompa loompas pulling Xander out of the river. Tara hid behind Willow; the little men were creepier in real life than they were on the TV.

"They'll soon dry him off, Anya," Spike reassured. "Maybe we should move on."

They were making their way out of the garden, when a large ornate riverboat came into view. Oompa powered, it stopped right in front of the group. "Well, I'm guessing this is the next part of the trip," the reluctant Wonka said. "Everyone on."

Spike dimly remembered this as his favourite part of the movie; from the one time he saw half of it. Creepy Gene Wilder was the only reason to watch the movie in the first place. With a smirk, he ushered everyone onto the purple and gold decorated boat, a plan forming in his head.

Once they were all settled in, Spike motioned for the oompas to start the boat again, steering them towards a nearby tunnel. Anya let out a little shriek when she realized they were sitting right behind her. She begged Giles to trade seats with her, and she moved up to the front row with Dawn and Buffy, throwing occasional glances over her shoulder. 

"So where does this go?" Dawn asked Spike, who was sitting opposite them.

"I'm not sure," he said taking the brown top hat off, and setting it aside. The boat began picking up speed, and the vampire cocked an eyebrow at her, mysteriously, "But I guess we'll soon find out."

Suddenly all the lights in the tunnel went out and Anya and Tara yelped in surprise.

"Spike, what's going on?"

"Dunno what you mean, Slayer." Random pictures began flashing on the walls shedding a little light into the boat. Buffy turned to yell at Spike again, and a picture flashed, lighting his face. Forehead newly ridged and razor sharp fangs glistening, he smiled, "Everything seems normal to me."

"Spike, snap out of it; you're scaring the girls." Giles struggled to keep the slight tremor from his own voice. They didn't know where they were, and didn't know how well the chip would work in an alternate world. Dawn hid behind the Watcher, where Anya also stood, Willow and Tara off to one side, chanting quietly, trying to stop the boat their own way.

Buffy stepped forward, reaching out to punch Spike. He caught her hand and pulled her into an embrace and smirked, his gold eyes shining. He gave her enough time to see his game face up close before he pulled back, changing their hug to a dancer's embrace, suddenly beginning to waltz her around the small deck. With a smirk, another song overtook him and the Scoobies could do nothing but watch as they danced around, the vampire twirled the unwilling Slayer about.

_There's no earthly way of knowing  
Which direction we are going  
There's no knowing where we're rowing  
Or which way the river's flowing  
Is it raining is it snowing?  
Is a hurricane a-blowing?_

Spike stopped singing, speaking the words he remembered from the film, as though he had watched it only yesterday. They continued to dance, however, and Buffy couldn't help but feel like Spike was enjoying this part way too much.

_Not a speck of light is showing  
So danger must be growing!  
By the fires of hell are glowing!  
Is the grizzly reaper mowing?  
Yes the danger must be growing  
Because the rowers keep on rowing  
And they're certainly not showing  
Any signs of slowing_

He twirled her away and pulled her back, dipping her. He leaned in, laying a light kiss on her temple, and whispered in her ear, "What's wrong pet? Afraid I might bite?" Breathless, Buffy looked up at him, not sure whether she should be excited or scared. The vampire winked, a mischievous glint in his eyes. "Or just hoping I will?"

Everyone watched in silence, unsure of what to do. Anya's head kept whipping back and forth, shooting paranoid looks at both the oompas and the vampire. Dawn was partly amused because she could see that Spike was just trying to get a reaction out of Buffy, and it was working. Willow and Tara were awestruck that none of their spells had worked. Finally Giles spoke up, breaking the heated gaze that the still dipped couple shared. "ENOUGH!"

With that one word, the boat stopped short, lights returned, and Spike's vampiric features melted away. "Quite right, Watcher. Let's move on." He let go of Buffy, who stumbled before straightening slowly. She watched as the bleached Wonka walked away from her, seemingly unaffected. Each of her friends filed by, looking confused and slightly shaken. Dawn took her arm, to help her from the boat.

"It's okay, Buffy. It's not just you." Buffy looked at her sister, a little shocked. Sometimes she wondered if the monks using her to make Dawn gave her the ability to see right into Buffy's head. "The electricity between you two is almost dangerous," the teen dropped her a Spike-like wink. "And that takes two."

Buffy smiled, and was about to thank the younger Summers' when an oompa loompa ran by, almost knocking her over. "Mr. Wonka! Mr. Wonka!" he cried, and Spike turned, without hesitation. The orange-faced dwarf reached him, handing over the brown top hat Spike had left on the boat. On purpose. "Don't forget your hat, sir."

Spike rolled his eyes, but put the hat back on, earning a few giggles from the people he had tried so hard to terrify just two minutes ago. "Bloody hell"

"So where now?" Dawn asked as they stood in yet another corridor.

Spike was amazed to realize that he knew just where they should go, like he'd lived in the factory all his life. He knew what was through the doors in front of them, down to the last sweet.

"The Inventions Room," he whispered softly, trying to give it an air of mystery. If he was going to be Wonka, he may as well have some fun with it. "All the most top secret inventions are in here, you'll see things you've never even dreamed of, things so amazing that"

He stopped when the rest of the gang barged past him into the large room. With a sigh he followed. No one was letting him enjoy this.

Inside, the whir and buzz of dozens of machines all but drowned them out as they wandered around. Anya clung to Buffy, and Tara stayed close to Willow as they observed almost a hundred oompa loompas tending to the various machines.

Spike drew them over to a large machine in the centre of the room.

"Everlasting Gobstoppers?" Buffy asked. "You could sure use one."

Spike grinned. "Thanks for the compliment, pet. But this is something much better."

He pulled a lever and the machine sprung into life, emitting all kinds of strange splutters and gushing out steam until eventually several bright purple sweets rolled out on a converyorbelt.

"What are these?" Willow asked, picking up one of the small sweets and examining it.

"Truth sweets." Spike said with a wicked smile. "Eat one of those babies and the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth will come out of your mouth."

"Yeah, right." Buffy scoffed.

Spike held one of the sweets out to her. "Want to test it?"

She took it in her hand and looked carefully at it. Somehow now she was on the spot and she didn't want to risk it, especially not with Spike there. She blushed and shook her head.

Spike smirked. "Right then, I guess we should move on."

Buffy slipped the sweet into her pocket, it might come in useful if they ever had to question a bad guy.

As they passed a large, smoking cauldron, Spike jerked his head and sent his hat falling into it.

"Oh, dear," he sighed, not even bothering to feign concern. "My poor hat."

They were about to proceed when one of the oompa loompas reached in and pulled out his hat, dry and looking as good as new.

"Thanks a bunch." he grumbled as he put it back on his head.

They moved across the room and through another door, bringing them into yet another corridor. They headed down the hallway towards a large door that said simply, GUM. About halfway down the corridor, Giles noticed the wallpaper, fruits of all kinds and colours dotting a white landscape. He wrinkled his nose, his delicate sensibilities offended.

"That is god-awful. Look how tacky!" he pointed it out to the rest of the group.

"Oh! I almost forgot!" Spike said with a grin, getting into his role. "It's the lickable wallpaper! Everyone has to try it. The strawberries taste like strawberries. The blueberries taste like blueberries. The snozberries taste like snozberries!"

Dawn wrinkled her nose, "What's a snozberry?"

Spike winked at her conspirationally. "Sorry pet, all questions must be submitted in writing."

She rolled her eyes and made for the strawberries. Within seconds, everyone had a section of the wallpaper to themselves, happily licking away.

"Mmmmm, bananas," Buffy mumbled, catching Spike's attention. She ran her tongue up the picture of a banana slowly, savouring the taste. Spike watched, enthralled, his mouth hanging open. The petite Slayer pulled back, noticing the two strawberries at the base of the banana and she practically squealed in delight. "Strawberry-banana, the best flavour ever!" she gave a quick lick to both strawberries, and then began another long stroke with her tongue from the bottom of the berries to the tip of the banana.

Spike could do nothing but stare, but no one else noticed her little lewd show with the fruit. She went back to the bottom for another lick when she noticed Spike watching intently. When their eyes met, Spike had the presence of mind to look embarrassed, but he couldn't tear his eyes away. Realizing what her cluster of fruit looked like, Buffy shot the vampire a knowing smile before letting her tongue travel painfully slowly up the representation. Spike's eyes practically bulged out of his head when she came to the top of the banana, gave it a quick lick for good measure, before laying a chaste kiss on the tip. 

With an evil wink at Spike, she said to the group, "So what's next?"

Spike was about to growl in frustration when a helpful oompa rushed past. "This way, miss!" he cried, causing Anya to jump and shriek.

"Do they have to do that?"

Buffy followed the oompa, loving the look of shock still on Spike's face. He tagged along behind her, his brain having lost all blood to his southernmost thinker. The oompa opened a door and waved Buffy and Spike forward, slamming it closed after both of them were inside the small, dark -

"Closet?" Spike said, getting angry. "Let us out of here you bloody dwarves from hell!"

They heard the mumbles of the rest of the gang, then Willow's clear question, "Where did they go?"

An oompa replied, his voice full of mischief. "They'll meet up with us in the Gum Room soon enough, Miss. Just this way."

"They're just leaving us in here?" Buffy asked, claustrophobia already sitting in.

Spike jumped at the sound of her voice so close to him. He felt her breath hot on his skin and making it tingle. He hadn't realized how small the space was until turning around pressed him right up against his favourite Slayer. Her almost inaudible gasp told him she had noticed his arousal. Taking full advantage of the situation, the mischievous vampire pressed himself into her, eliciting another sharp intake of breath.

"Spike," her voice was breathless and low and Spike had to surpress the growl that threatened to rumble in his chest.

Instead, he dipped his head down to her ear, barely whispering back to her. "Yeah, love? Something wrong?"

"Wewe can't do thisall the guys, right out - " Her argument was cut off as Spike smashed his lips to hers in a passionate frenzy. He wasn't completely surprised when she pressed herself into him and let her arms snake up his chest and around his neck, but the reciprocity made his dead heart sing. He let his own hands hold her to him by her hips, forcing her to feel for herself what she did to him. With a low moan of his own, Spike leaned back against the closet door.

Within seconds, the bleached vampire was cursing his selfish need to be comfortable when the door gave way, and the necking couple fell out into the hall. As if the fall had knocked some sense into her, Buffy pulled back, and with shocked eyes and red face, scrambled off of Spike.

"Oh godoh god, that did NOT just happen!" She walked away, throwing a glance at Spike, who still lay on the floor.

He got up slowly, making his way towards the gum room. He stood outside the door taking deep breaths to calm himself and closed his eyes. He had kissed her and she had kissed him back. With that thought in his mind and her taste on his lips, he smiled and joined the others.

He didn't even notice his hat had been knocked off in the fall until a helpful little oompa returned it to him. 

The gang were all gathered around a machine when Spike arrived and he quickly pushed his way to the front of the group. His eyes lit up with excitement as his somehow innate Wonka knowledge told him exactly what this machine made.

"Who's up for some three-course meal gum?" he asked with a grin. He'd never seen this part of the movie and he was just dying to have a first-hand view of it.

"I don't wanna be the blueberry." Anya said immediately and took a step back.

"Oh come on!" he pleaded. "Someone needs to eat it."

Willow and Tara made a point of not looking at him, as did Giles. Buffy glared, making it clear she'd punch him if he even suggested it. Anya had already made her views clear, which just left

"Come on, Nibblet." Spike begged, turning on every ounce of charm.

She shook her head, but he could see she was wavering.

"Pleeeease?"

"Hey, no one else is volunteering. How come I have to do it? I don't wanna be the blueberry."

"Come on, it won't hurt a bit. I promise we'll fix you as soon as we're done."

Dawn looked over at her Buffy, expecting her to help out, but she was too busy licking the scrap of wallpaper she'd brought with her. She turned back to Spike and found him pouting like a small boy. She hated it when he did this; she could never refuse him anything.

"Oh, alright." she sighed and took the small piece of gum from the palm of his hand. Placing it in her mouth, she began to chew.

It was like no gum she'd ever had before. It really was like she was drinking tomato soup, she could feel it running down her throat and it was the nicest soup she'd ever had. The taste slowly faded and the next thing she knew she was eating roast beef and baked potatoes. Considering it was just a small piece of gum, it really did feel like she was eating real food, it was so filling that she wasn't sure that she'd have room for dessert. Soon enough, however, came the blueberry pie and with it came a heavily bloated feeling.

Spike grinned with delight as Dawn slowly began to swell until she was the size of a giant blueberry, her face and hands turning a purple colour.

"Alright, you've seen it," Dawn snapped. "Now turn me back."

Trying to resist the urge to laugh out loud he motioned for some of the oompa loompas to come and take Dawn away to be squeezed. As they approached, they hummed their song and the rest of the gang groaned.

"I'm going to have that song in my head FOREVER." Willow complained.

As the oompas rolled Dawn away, Giles followed to make sure she was alright. Spike 'accidentally' dropped his hat in the path of blueberry Dawn and she squashed it flat, causing him to smirk with satisfaction.

Until one of the oompas picked it up, knocked it back into shape and handed it to him.

"Let's go." he sighed.

They moved into a room filled with bubbles of all sizes being blown from a large machine in the centre of the room.

"This is where we make our fizzy lifting coke." Spike announced to the now rather small group.

"Coke?" Buffy asked. Then she shrugged. "Oh well, at least it isn't Pepsi."

"I prefer Pepsi." Willow announced with a pout. Then she looked nervous. "You're not going to make us drink it are you?"

Spike grinned evilly for a moment but then shook his head. "As much fun as it might be, we should really move on."

As the others followed one of the oompas into the next room, Buffy grabbed hold of Spike's wrist and pulled him back.

"Can I try some of the coke?" she asked with a small smile.

"Sorry, pet, we really need to get going."

Buffy shrugged and pulled out the scrap of wallpaper she had been carrying, running her tongue over the banana as she had last time.

Spike's eyes widened and he felt that he was going to be in danger of exploding if he didn't get her to stop doing that soon.

"Alright, alright," he yelled, opening a bottle of the special coke. "Here."

Buffy grinned and slipped the piece of wallpaper back in her pocket before taking a drink from the bottle. She handed it back to Spike and he took a gulp himself before putting it back on the table.

Buffy frowned. "I don't get it, why isn't anything happeni - "

She let out a small shriek as suddenly she began to float, slowly rising up off of the floor and drifting towards the ceiling. A few seconds later Spike joined her and they rose together silently.

Unfortunately for Buffy, the further from the floor she got, the more aware she became that she was actually scared of heights. Panicking, she grabbed hold of Spike and buried her face in his chest so that she wouldn't have to see just how far up they were. With a tender smile, Spike gently stroked her hair. It was amazing how she could go from being a hardened saviour of the world to a cowering, normal girl in the space of a few minutes.

Feeling Spike's hand on her hair, Buffy jerked back. 

"What are you doing?" she asked suspiciously.

He stared at her incredulously. "You're the one cuddling up to _me_, remember?"

As if she was noticing their position for the first time, Buffy gave him a look of disgust and pushed away from him. Instantly she regretted it as the fear of falling swept over her once more. Forgetting everything else, she grabbed Spike again and buried her face back in his chest.

They continued to rise higher and higher until Spike noticed they were heading straight for the ceiling fan.

"UmSlayer? We may have a bit of a problem here."

Raising her head Buffy looked up and saw the fan.

"It's ok," she reassured. "All we need to do is touch the metal plate and we'll sink back down."

Spike nodded, and, keeping one arm wrapped around Buffy's waist, he reached up and laid his palm on the metal plate.

A loud rumbling began in his stomach and worked his way up into his throat until he let out a loud belch. Instantly, he began to drift back down towards the ground, sinking a little further each time he burped. Above him Buffy had just reached the plate and now she too was drifting gently down. When she was level with him, he pulled her back into his arms and held her until they were safe on the ground once more.

A few minutes passed before and Buffy continued to hold onto Spike. Somehow he couldn't bring himself to tell her they were back on the ground again. Finally she seemed to realize it for herself and she raised her head but didn't let go of him.

"You're safe now, pet." he said gently and she nodded, leaning forward so that their lips were mere inches apart. Suddenly she pulled back and frowned.

"What happened to your hat?" she asked.

They both looked up and saw the offending item of clothing floating above them on a large bubble.

"About time I got rid of that thing." he muttered.

Just then an oopma loompa came in with a small peashooter and fired up into the air. The bubble supporting the hat popped and the hat tumbled down until it dropped neatly onto Spike's head.

Buffy giggled and followed the oompa into the next room, Spike not far behind, grumbling to himself.

When they entered the room, they found themselves surrounded by eight extremely large geese, all sitting high above the ground in very comfortable looking compartments. As they looked on, one of the geese laid an egg, and its golden sheen made everyone smile; they knew what was coming. They watched as it rolled down onto the scale, and the needle shot to Good Egg. An oompa carried it over to the wrapping table, and the gang was just waiting. Willow and Tara shared a knowing smile and Spike shot a sidelong glance at Anya. Buffy hid her smile behind the piece of wallpaper she'd stolen, but couldn't hide the giggles when she saw pure delight cross Anya's face as she spoke.

"Those areare those GOLD eggs?"

"Well, actually pet, they're only mostly gold. They've got a chocolate center. It's really only - " Spikey Wonka was cut off by Anya.

"Look how big they are! Just ONE of those would keep me in new clothes all year roundand Xander! I could buy him a decent car, and"

Willow rolled her eyes as the ex-demon continued to rant. "This might be a while."

Buffy giggled at the witch, and threw in her jibe at the girl. "Paging Veruca Salt, Veruca Salt please report to the bad egg department."

Tara shushed them as Anya turned around. "She'll hear you! I'm not sure I can handle a Veruca Salt tantrum right now."

"Tantrum? I wouldn't throw a tantrum!"

Tara cringed as she realized Anya was standing right behind her. She turned slowly, putting on an apologetic smile, and tried to explain, "No, I know that Anya, I'm just saying, you know, it's been a long day andwell, we don't want to lose another one of us." She tried to sound convincing, but was reminded of when she told Dawn Spike made the Buffybot to play checkers.

Anya's anger was clear on her face. "Are you saying I'm a BAD EGG?"

The blonde witch's eyes went wide, "N-no! Of course not! I didn't mean - "

"No it's fine, I get it. I'm just the bad egg ex-demon who has a money fetish to you guys. Well you'd be surprised! I have many other facets to my personality!"

Spike snorted, and tried to look innocent when everyone looked at him.

"Yeah, you forgot the 'sex with monkey boy' aspect." he mumbled loud enough for only Buffy to hear. Buffy couldn't help but laugh out loud at that, and was in a fit of giggles before anyone could even wonder why Spike had snorted.

Anya, of course, thought Buffy was laughing at her. "Okay, so I like money! What's wrong with that? And YES I want an egg! AndI think I should get one for being talked to like this! In fact, I'm just taking one. Buffy got to take some of the wallpaper, so this is MY souvenir." She walked over to where an oompa was wrapping the newest egg in light purple cellophane, with a big yellow bow, and took it out of the little man's hands, standing as far away from him as possible.

Suddenly, Spike's voice was heard again, only this time, a little bit louder, and this time he was singing. "Don't care how, I want it now"

This sent the gang into another fit of giggles, and Anya into another fit of fury. She slammed the egg on the table, stomping her foot like a child.

"That's IT! I'm taking the whole damn GOOSE!"

Just hearing Anya say 'the whole damn goose' sent the remaining Scoobies over the edge. Laughing so hard most of them were crying. It wasn't until Spike called out for Anya not to climb on the scale that any of them realized what was going to happen. By the time they all looked up, the needle was already pointing to Bad Egg, and with a very surprised look on her face, Anya disappeared into the chute.

After a moment of silence, as it sunk into everyone that it had actually happened, that Anya truly was the reincarnation of Veruca Salt, another wave of laughter hit the group. Willow had to sit down, and Buffy was leaning against Spike for support. It didn't help that when the oompas came to lead them to the next room, they were singing this:

_Oompa loompa doopedie doo - I've got another riddle for you,  
Oompa loompa doopedie dee - If you are wise, you'll listen to me.  
What do you get when all you care for is cash?  
Or the next time someone checks out your ass?  
Or when you think of only getting paid?  
Like a bad egg - you'll - get - laid  
And sometimes you'll get paid for it  
Oompa loompa doopedie da - take my advice and you will go far,  
Oompa loompa doopedie dude - or be like Anya and go get screwed!_

On their way out of the egg room, Spike lagged behind a bit, having an idea. He placed his hat on one of the scales, and tipped the needle to Bad Egg, watching the trapdoors open, and the brown top hat he despised disappear into oblivion. With a smile, he ran to catch up to the group.

The bleached vampire walked up behind the three girls, as they walked down the corridor. "Four very naughty children gone, three wonderful children leftwho shall be next, I wonder?" he asked no one, and the girls exchanged curious glances. He was way into his role.

As they walked, Spike heard Buffy mumble, "There should be wallpaper in this hallway. Fruit wallpaper. With strawberries."

A tortured look crossed Spike's face, but before he could say anything, a shriek escaped Tara's lips. Everyone turned, shocked. It was the loudest sound to ever come out of the quiet girl's mouth. A little embarrassed, she blushed, and explained by pointing at the sign on the door ahead of them. It read: TV ROOM.

"I've always loved this part! Ever since I was a little girl, I've wanted to try it, you know, be transported by the TV rays, be in a million little pieces floating in the air and all that!" They reached the door and began putting on the white jump-suits and protective goggles.

"Can I try it? Can I? Please, Mr. Wonka?"

Spike raised one scarred eyebrow, "Not if you ever call me that again," he joked. "Go on with you, then. Get up on the platform."

"I'm not sure this is a great idea, honey," Willow said, a little worried for her lover. "They had to take that boy to the taffy puller"

"Oh come on, Wills, let her have her fun" Buffy encouraged. "You know the oompa loompas will make it all better." She eyed Tara with a smile, knowing the thought of the oompas might make her back down. But the blonde witch was undeterred.

"Yeah! It can't hurt any more then having my brain sucked!" The other three stopped short, silent for a second, in shock. Tara just gave them a smile. "Come on, what? I can't have a sense of humor about it?"

They all let out a big sigh, collectively glad that Tara was dealing with her journey into insanity so well. They watched her jump up on the platform and the oompas started up the machine. Within seconds they could see bits and molecules floating above their heads as they made their way to the little TV frame.

"What's taking so long?" Willow couldn't hide the worry from her voice.

Smiling, remembering her line, Buffy said, "Millions of little pieces take a while to put back together."

A moment later, a teeny tiny Tara showed up in the TV frame. "Am I coming in clearly? I can't wait to tell people I've been on TV! Xander will be so jealous"

Just then an oompa loompa walked up with something behind his back, and he tugged on the bottom of Spike's jacket. When the bleached vampire turned, the oompa proudly produced another brown top hat. "I noticed you lost your last one, so I fetched this one from your office. You really should be more careful, sir." With that, the little orange man was gone, and the Scoobies were laughing again.

"Oh, sod off."

Tara quickly brought the attention back to herself by doing a cartwheel across maybe three inches. Spike plopped his top hat down on top of her, and they heard a little teeny voice yelling, "That's not funny!" They were all laughing and smiling as Tiny Tara ran around on the table before them, enjoying her smallness. After a few moments though, Willow started to worry again.

"Okay, change her back now, please."

Spike looked at the redhead a little strangely and she could tell what was coming before he said anything. "Sorry, love, we're still working on the enlarger. Haven't been able to get a chocolate bar back to its size without itwell, we haven't been able - "

"Spike?! What does the enlarger do?"

"Well, we've had a few mistakes...mostly the chocolate bars blow up, but that's only some of them!" He realized that his last remark wasn't very comforting and he called one of his oompas over. "Here, take the witches to the Taffy Pull room. Get this straightened out."

He handed Tara to Willow, and, with a very concerned look, she followed the oompa loompa out of the room. "I told you this was a bad idea."

Once they were out of the room, Spike looked at Buffy with a mischievous glint in his eyes. "So, just you an' me pet," a smirk joined the mischievous look on Spike's face. "Whatever shall we do?"

Buffy pulled out her scrap of wallpaper and started licking it again.

"I'm quite happy here, thank you." she murmured between licks

Spike grimaced; that wasn't quite what he'd had in mind.

"Come on, pet. We'd better go and wait in my office while the oompas sort Tara out."

Buffy shrugged while she continued licking and followed Spike through a door and up some stairs. Soon they were in a small office with a wooden desk and chair at one end.

"So, what do we do now?" Buffy asked, still licking her wallpaper.

Spike sat down and began to write on some sort of invoice.

"Just do whatever you want," he said coldly, not even looking at her. "That's what you normally do."

Buffy lowered the wallpaper, stunned. "What?"

"You heard me." He snapped. "Always thinking of yourself. I'm not surprised we're the only ones left. I notice you didn't do anything to help your so-called 'friends'."

Feeling the tears build up in her eyes, Buffy fiercely blinked them away. Who the hell did he think he was talking to her like this? After all the times he told her he loved her. It must have all been lies, and she was stupid enough to fall for it again.

"And I see you proved yourself to be the soulless monster that you are." she snapped back. There was no way she was going to just accept his cruelty.

"Well, you're always telling me I'm a monster," Spike yelled, "I figure I may as well stop denying myself."

Buffy laughed bitterly. "I can't believe I almost fell for your act, I nearly believed that you loved me."

"Funny pet, I nearly believed that you'd actually stopped hating me for a minute. But it seems that that little incident in the closet meant nothing to you. You haven't even mentioned it since we left."

Buffy hung her head, it was true that she hadn't mentioned it since it had happened. But the truth was it had confused her. Ever since she'd kissed him after he'd been tortured by Glory she'd been trying to figure out just how she felt about him. It was true that she didn't hate him any more, but she wasn't sure if her feelings went beyond friendship.

"Spike, I don't hate you." she said quietly. He needed to know that much at least.

"Yeah, right." he grumbled.

Buffy sighed and thrust her hands into her pockets. She didn't know what else she could do to convince him that she did care about him.

Her fingers closed around something small and hard. Withdrawing her hand, she saw the small, purple truth candy in the centre of her palm.

"Maybe this will convince you." she said, and this time Spike looked up. He barely had time to catch a glimpse of the sweet before she put it into her mouth and swallowed.

"How long do these things take to work?" she asked Spike, who was staring at her open mouthed.

"A few seconds." he finally managed to stammer.

Buffy nodded. "Ok, you want to know how I feel about you? Here it is, the raw truth. I haven't hated you for a long time. I may not have shown it but I don't. The reason I bitch at you all the time is because I'm scared. I'm scared of being hurt again, scared that you'll leave me like all the others did, scared that I'll disappoint you."

There was a look of total disbelief on Spike's face as she spoke. He wanted to believe that she was just telling him what he wanted to hear, but he knew it was a lot more than that. He wanted to reassure her, that he'd never hurt her, that he'd never leave her, that there was no way on earth that he could ever be disappointed with her. But the words seemed to catch in his throat and he said nothing.

"So now you know." Buffy finished, tossing the piece of wallpaper onto Spike's desk. Suddenly it seemed to have lost its appeal. She turned her back so that he wouldn't see the tears pouring down her cheeks and she did her best to hold in the sobs that were threatening to escape.

"Buffy," Spike's voice was different now, kinder and gentler. She kept her back turned to him until she felt his hand on her shoulder. "I'm sorry."

Finally she turned to face him, not bothering to wipe the tears from her cheeks. She found him stood behind her, looking tenderly down. He reached out and gently brushed her tears away.

"I didn't mean to upset you, luv. I just needed to know for sure how you felt about me."

Buffy stared up at him in disbelief.

"You mean you were just testing me?" she sniffled. "You don't hate me?"

He shook his head. "I could never hate you, I love you more now than I ever did."

With those words, it suddenly seemed to become clear to her, like the fog of confusion around her heart had lifted. Here in front of her was someone who was kind, brave and clearly loved both her and her sister dearly. How could she not love him back? Without another thought, she leaned up and kissed him firmly on the lips. It seemed to stun Spike for a second but he soon recovered and wrapped his arms around her, deepening the kiss.

They parted when Buffy needed to breathe but didn't let go of each other.

"Why don't we take this somewhere more private?" Spike croaked, his voice raw with desire. Buffy nodded, her own lust burning through her like a fever.

Taking her hand, Spike lead her through a glass door into what was technically an elevator made of glass. Spike fumbled randomly for a button, pressed it and went back to kissing Buffy. As the elevator began to move, he thrust her against one of the walls and continued to kiss her.

"This is your idea of somewhere more private?" Buffy gasped as Spike continued his assault on her.

As the elevator continued its journey, Spike began to tug at Buffy's top. Inwardly Buffy shrugged, clearly all inhibitions had been left back in the factory. As she began to help him with her top they sank to the floor and made love, not caring who or what could see them.

From the ground far below, the oompas congratulated themselves. Clearly the trick with the closet had paid off nicely.

* * * 

All at once, the entire group snapped awake, and looked around at each other, silence hanging in the air and surprise on all of their faces. A burst of nervous laughter made everyone look warily at Buffy.

"None of you saw that," she seemed suddenly serious, "Tell me none of you saw that."

Xander, with a mischievous smile said, "Well, at least the cheese man didn't make an appearance."

"Ugh!" Buffy was on her feet and heading out of the room before anyone could stop her.

"Well, personally, I say it's about time!" Anya called helpfully after her. Xander and Giles looked at her like she was crazy, but Willow and Tara shared a knowing smile.

Dawn turned to Spike, who was still sitting next to her on the couch. "Don't you think you should go after her? This is where you win or lose her, you know."

Spike looked at her, surprised, "When did you grow up so much, lil' bit?" At her glare, he continued. "You're right. I guess I just - "

"Don't be afraid. It's how she feels, too." The teenager smiled comfortingly at the vampire, who felt an overwhelming urge to hug the girl, but resisted. He had a reputation, after all.

Instead, he smiled at her, "You keep that up and we'll start having to actually listen to you, pet." With a wink he got up and approached the kitchen door. He silently watched for a moment, as Buffy paced, ranting to herself. 

"Perfectly happyignoring it alldamn Powers That Benever leave me alonecan't even BELIEVEoh, god, Giles probably thinksnever face any of themespecially himoh god, why me??"

She heard a light chuckle behind her, and knew who it was without turning around. Still facing away, she raised her arms in another 'why me' gesture, getting her answer in a thick cockney accent and a seductive voice.

"'Why you' what?"

"'Why me', why does this keep happening to me? Why can't I just have a normal life? Why can't I find a nice normal boy - "

"You tried that route, love, and as I recall it didn't work. And there are plenty of reasons why. Because you're not normal like he was, you've never been." As he spoke, his voice got closer until Buffy felt him standing behind her, close enough to lean back against him, which she found she wanted to do very much. "Because you're extraordinary. You're magnificent, a warrior, a champion. And you are as beautiful as you are strong." He was whispering into her ear, his breath on her neck, sending chills down her spine. "Every moment I spend around you is like a lifetime of a heaven I will never see. Just being close to youreminds me what it was like to have a beating heart. Every breath of your hair, ever smile of your lips is a delicious torture." Buffy realized only too late that she was leaning back against him, the contact comforting her singing skin. As if Spike knew she would pull away as soon as she realized what she was doing, he turned her, so he could look in her eyes. "I love you, Buffy." 

Her reaction was nothing like he'd expected. She dropped her eyes from his, speaking in almost a whisper. "Why me?" At first he was angered by her words, thinking they were meant to hurt him, but as she raised her hazel eyes to meet his, he saw the first tears begin to fall, his anger quelled and his heart soared. "Why me, Spike? I'm so horrible to you. I've never shown the slightest interest, I've tried everything to push you away"

"Because I knew. I knew I was meant to be with you, and I knew that deep down, somewhere inside of you, you knew it too," With a smirk he continued. "And when I want something, I don't stop until I get it."

Wiping away the tears, the petite Slayer looked up at Spike with something akin to shyness, "And what do you do with it, when you get it?"

Shocked into silence, Spike just stared at her for a second. When a mischievous sparkle in her eye told Spike what she wanted him to do, he snatched her up in his arms with a growl, their lips meeting in a mixture of anxious passion and relief.

When they finally parted, Buffy's goofy but completely happy smile could only be compared to the one on the vampire in her arms' face. "Maybe we should let them know we're still alive."

Spike rolled his eyes, but they started out into the living room anyway. As they entered, Xander couldn't help but make a remark, "Look everyone, it's Mulder and Scully!" Then looking as though he were thinking hard about something, he continued, "Hmmnow, it's no longer UST, because its resolvedso would that be RST? That's a lot harder to say - " His train of thought was cut off when Anya hit him in the back of the head with a pillow. He looked up at her, pouting, "What? We all know I make bad jokes when I'm uncomfortable"

Giles, desperate to take the attention away from the new couple, spoke next. "Now, I have a theory about this dream situation. We are obviously all very connected because of what we recently endured together, so I am personally not surprised that we all had the exact same vision. And the reasons why it was put into the context it was are obvious." he motioned to the television, where Willy Wonka had been playing earlier.

Before Giles could continue, a light giggling could be heard. They all looked around until they found the source of the laughter. Spike continued to giggle quietly until he realized everyone was staring at him. The bleached vampire looked at them like they were complete gits and said, as if it were common sense, "We are the music makers, and we are the dreamers of dreams"

After a second of consideration, Giles smiled. "Exactly my point."

The rest of the Scoobies looked around with blank faces, completely confused. Spike offered up another explanation, much less cryptic this time. "Like the Watcher said, we're all connected right now, our auras and such. We each played a role in the dream, so interconnected that we manipulated the dream," with a smirk over at Buffy, he finished, "The way we wanted it."

The entire gang looked at a blushing Buffy and she smiled innocently. "What? It's not my fault my subconscious oompas decided to put us in the closet."

"Um, Buffy, according to Spike, that's exactly what happened." Willow offered, her voice going meek when Buffy shot her a look.

"Well. Right, then." The Slayer's eyes darted around at her friends' amused but accusing faces. "Now that that's solved, who wants to watch Bring It On? I'll get popcorn."

Buffy was up and in the kitchen before anyone could answer. They knew she was just trying to get out of being joked about the dream, but the oompa-like smile on each of their faces promised that she would never hear the end of it.

THE END


End file.
